Contributed Stories

Once again the forces of ultra-conservatism are on the march in Pennsylvania. Once again, their targets are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender/transsexual people. This conservative force is made up of rightwing religious elements, national conservative groups and special interest segments of the far right that aren’t satisfied enough with the fact that there is already a state law that defines marriage as between a man and a woman.

This union of intolerance is determined to take the state constitution, a document that grants rights and privileges, and add to it discrimination, prejudice, intolerance and second-class citizenship to this majestic document. Why is it that these groups never come together for the purpose of feeding the hungry, clothing the naked or housing the homeless? Read the rest of this entry »

By The Reverend Peter D. D’Angio, Saint Luke’s Episcopal Church - Scranton
A sermon preached at the service for the Rainbow Alliance, 30 September 2007

The Sermon
I’m Peter D’Angio and I’m priest in charge at Saint Luke’s Episcopal Church in Scranton. My partner and I arrived in Northeastern Pennsylvania seven months ago; it’s a joy to connect with the Rainbow Alliance and to be part of this day.

After you leave here you’ll be going to watch “The Saint of 9/11″ which tells the story of Father Mychal Judge, the New York City fire department chaplain who died at Ground Zero on September 11th. As you’ll see in the film, queer people like Father Judge struggle in the church, just like they struggle in life. But that does not mean that the church does not have a place for sexual minorities, as Jesus makes clear in the story of the wedding banquet that we hear today from Luke’s gospel.

How can imagine the story in modern day terms? Well, I’m a big fan of the Style Channel (who would have guessed?) and I sometimes watch “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” which tells stories of wedding planners and brides locking horns. So here’s Jesus’ story as told on “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?”

The father of the bride has hired the best venue for the wedding reception, and we see the camera lovingly hovering over the beautiful table settings, the gorgeous flowers, and all the rest of the details. The father barges into the scene and demands that the wedding planner do something about the fact that none of the guests have shown up for the wedding.

Ever resourceful the (gay) wedding planner goes the immigration office and gets all the people waiting in line there. He hires a bus to go to a local nursing home to get all the residents, some of whom are in wheelchairs, some on walkers. He goes to some place like the 12 Penny which just happens to be having drag night and brings all the drag kings and queens, as well as all the other patrons. Finally, when all these people have assembled and sit down at the lovely tables the father of the bride says, “Now the party can begin!” Of course, it is a fabulous party as only queer folk can pull off!

More…
What Jesus tells us in this story this morning is that we have a place at that party with him. He reverses the societal expectation that we are outcasts and he tells us, and all the rest of the marginalized, that we are honored guests to him, contrary to what the church often says in word and deed.

We find Jesus’ attitude reflected in the letter of John which says: “Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. And by this we will know that we are from the truth…” (1 John 3:18-19a). What I hear in this is that as queer folk, we have to speak the truth in love about our own lives. We have to come out and in coming out we will know ourselves as both truthful and whole. In this call to come out, and I would add to come out in the church, we start from the belief that God created and continues to create us as who we are: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, intersexed and yes even straight, and that that is GOOD. God did not create LGBTI folk as second class citizens, any more than God did women or people of color, despite what some denominations have outwardly taught at times or at least implied. When we tell the truth of our lives we can integrate the social, erotic, and spiritual; we speak the truth to power, which empowers not only us but those around us. And the place to do this is not only in our families and in the workplace but in the church as well because the church needs to hear our voices as the beloved people of God.

I get the question “Why bother with the church?” all the time, and not just from queer folk. The argument goes something like this: God is everywhere not just in the church and I have my own spirituality even though I’m not really religious. So why should I come to the church which is so messed up about human sexuality anyway? But there’s a flaw in this stance: being spiritual alone is kind of like being queer alone; it’s possible, but not very rewarding. Spirituality practiced in the closet tends to produce a similar thing to sexuality practiced in the closet: the elements of being a spiritual person are all there just like the elements of being a member of a sexual minority. But they just haven’t been allowed to grow or to see the light of day. We all know what happens when someone comes out as queer; they undergo a process of growth and transformation, but it takes a community to help make that happen, and that’s why we’re here today to help to continue to make a community which we and others like us can be a part of.

The same thing happens when we come out to Jesus; our spiritual lives grow and blossom. But we need the love and support of other people on the same journey and that’s what the church is all about, just like what the queer community is all about. There are churches out there like Saint Stephen’s and like Saint Luke’s that welcome you and where you will hear the truth of our lives proclaimed from the pulpit. One young man said he was electrified the first time he heard me use the word “gay” in a sermon, and he began a journey with us at Saint Luke’s. Just after his twenty-first birthday he stood in the pulpit at Saint Luke’s and preached a sermon about diversity, acceptance, and the truth of his life. People’s attention was riveted on him throughout the sermon and in the line at the back of church after the service people commented glowingly on his message.

Often hidden inside stone walls like these are places of warmth, acceptance and community. But churches Saint Stephen’s and Saint Luke’s have to struggle to come out in a queer culture that equates Christianity with homophobia, judgmentalism, and narrow-minded prudishness. All the parties involved: queer folk, our straight allies, and the church are engaged in the process of coming out, not only to each other but also to God. And with all us all stands Jesus who says to one and all alike, “Come and join my party.”

The Readings

First reading: 1 John 3:16-23
We know love by this, that Jesus laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for one another. How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. And by this we will know that we are from the truth and will reassure our hearts before him whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have boldness before God; and we receive from him whatever we ask, because we obey his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment –  that we should believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.

Second reading: Luke 14:15b-24
While attending a banquet with the scribes and Pharisees, Jesus said, “Someone gave a great dinner and invited many. At the time for the dinner he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, “Come; for everything is ready now.’ But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, “I have bought a piece of land, and I must go out and see it; please accept my regrets.’ Another said, “I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out; please accept my regrets.’ Another said, “I have just been married, and therefore I cannot come.’ So the slave returned and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and said to his slave, “Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’ And the slave said, “Sir, what you ordered has been done, and there is still room.’ Then the master said to the slave, “Go out into the roads and lanes, and compel people to come in, so that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those who were invited will taste my dinner.”

Preached at Saint Stephen’s Episcopal Church, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, 30 September 2007.
All Bible quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version (NRSV), unless noted otherwise.

This anonymous posting comes to us following our request for stories about discrimination in housing and the workplace. If you have been fired, passed over for a promotion, or denied employment… or if you have been denied housing or evicted because someone thought/found out you were gay… please send us your story at info@gaynepa.com.

In 1999, I was issued a company service award on a Thursday and fired on the spot on a Monday morning without reason. I later found out that my ex-husband made a phone call to my fundamentalist Christian supervisor indicating that I was a lesbian and leaving him for a woman. That organization falsified documentation to support my termination. I became embattled in a he said she said with unemployment and although I could verify my status and claims, they took the word of the employer as valid (not unlike experiences you have when trying to dispute issues on your credit report).

Read the rest of this entry »

The following article is a guest commentary and is not necessarily endorsed by the NEPA Rainbow Alliance, its board of directors, staff, or affiliates.  The opinions expressed herein are certain to be that of the author only.

Guest Commentary by Randy P. Orso - (randyporso@yahoo.com)

Family Pride has been responsible for an effort in recent years to have gay and lesbian parented families take part in the annual Easter Egg Roll festivities at the White House. The weather this year made for an icy reception line waiting for tickets to the event scheduled to happen Monday. Only 25 families of the 100 Family Pride families signed up showed up for the event according to 365Gay.com.

Read the rest of this entry »

Contributed by: Robert R.
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“When are you going to tell me? When you are walking down the aisle?” asked Lena.

“Huh, what are you talking about?” I replied.

“You’ve been super happy lately; I’m sure your seeing someone. Every time I bring it up, you change the subject. Well, what’s her name?” Lena responded.

She was right. I had been seeing someone. But she was wrong about one thing; the “her” she referred to was really a “him.”

I work with Lena; she is one of my closest friends. I normally tell her everything. Over the past few years, she was there for me as my marriage fell apart.

I went back to my desk and wrestled with the idea of telling her. Was I ready to make such a leap? Up to this point, I had not told anyone. No friends. No Family. If I was to tell anyone, she was the person. My rational side was telling me that it would not make a difference to her. Yet, part of me, driven by fear, was telling me that she would hate me.

My heart was racing as I sent her an e-mail to let her know I needed to talk to her. After spending the rest of the morning playing phone tag with each other, we decided to go to lunch. In the car Lena asked me what was wrong. The panic on my face must have been obvious. I could feel my palms sweating and the level of panic increasing. I couldn’t get myself to bring out the words. Lena started guessing. A string of questions followed, and I answered “No” to all of them. Finally, she said jokingly, “It’s not like you’re dating a guy.”

I looked down, as I replied, “Bingo.”

I felt the car swerve to the left, then back to the right. After a moment of silence, she started asking more questions. It was still difficult for me to answer, but I was able to get the answers out. I got more and more comfortable as we continued to talk about it. A surprising thing started to happen; I started feeling a sort of liberation. I realized I was no longer alone with this.

The next few people I told were other close friends at work. I was still afraid, and I needed Lena with me as I told them – OK, fine, I made her tell them. I started referring to her as Courage. With each person told, I got more confident.

With my closest friends told, it was time to start telling family members. My sister was first. Once again, it wasn’t a big deal to her. Next was my wife. Although we’d already been separated for over 4 years, I was petrified about what her reaction would be. Her initial reaction wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t horrible. I gave her a day to mull it over then called her back to talk more about it. The second conversation went great. We talked openly and we were able to make it a non-issue and move on.

Over the next month I continued to tell people, and the people I didn’t personally tell learned about it through the grape-vine. The reactions I got from people continued to be the same. It wasn’t a big deal. No one changed their opinions about me. Those who like me still liked me, and those who didn’t still didn’t.

After 3 months, everyone knew except one – my father. That one was hard and I could not personally do it. Something told me he would ultimately be able to adjust to it, but I thought his initial reaction would be bad. If it did indeed go bad, and he made any negative comments to me, I was afraid I would not be able to forget them later. I asked my sister to tell him. His initial reaction was indeed bad, but ultimately by the end of their conversation he told my sister that I was still his son, and he just needed a little time to get his mind around it. He said he would call me in a few days. It actually took him about 3 weeks with prodding from my step-mother. It was a very uncomfortable conversation in which he decided we would never talk about it. This plan has proved to be fine. He has continued to treat me just as he always did with one exception; he has only stopped asking questions about who I was dating.

I decided to share my experiences because like most people going through this, the fear I felt was incredible. I have had no regrets. I am a much happier person.

By Donna Talarico Weekender Correspondent

Within every bustling metropolis therein lie smaller communities, and not just geographically speaking, but communities made of groups of people.Today, the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) community in Northeast Pennsylvania is quite significant.

In this issue, we will explore what it is like to be “out” in NEPA. We’ll talk to John Dawe, executive director of the NEPA Rainbow Alliance, Scott Preisel, an HIV educator and board member and past president of NEPA Pride, and even clergy who are supportive of the gay community.

The changing climate of NEPA: Does homophobia or discrimination exist?

Scott Preisel, who is out at work and in the community, says discrimination lies not so much in social settings, but more within corporate policies. Even that is changing, however.

“I haven’t really had too much experience with discrimination in the community or workplace,” he said. “There’s not a lot of hostility. (The gay community in NEPA) is not in a bad place.”

The prejudice he has encountered was out of ignorance, not malice, the most notable being a troubling experience he had at a local hospital. Preisel was in the emergency room, and a nurse denied his partner of 10 years access to visit him. Meanwhile, other patients had several relatives at their bedside, he observed.

“She asked how he was related to me, and he said, ‘partner.’ She said, ‘Well, that’s not family,” said Preisel. “That was her personal feeling, not the hospital’s. When the doctor got wind of it, he let him visit me.”

Preisel later received a formal apology from the hospital, and the hospital made a formal change to their official visitation policy.

“Businesses and agencies are becoming more aware (of the gay community) and are addressing things that may be discriminatory by amending policies,” he said. He reiterates that policies weren’t drawn up to exclude the GLBT community or to be malicious; it’s just that perhaps the situation was never encountered.

Preisel says that NEPA is experiencing many cultural changes, such as the influx of the Latino population in lower Luzerne County. He says that any “different” group can enrich the culture of the area, but says that acceptance doesn’t always come right away. There may be a period of resentment.

Preisel says that the GLBT community, the Latinos in Hazleton or even the French city his sister lives in that has an influx of Algerians may experience discrimination necessarily because of culture, but rather for simply being an outsider, as in “Hey, you’re not from around here.”

“I think people are willing to accept you once they know you. It seems that if you are not from this area, it generates hostility - you’re an outsider,” said the Cleveland native.

“It is very easy to hate someone you know nothing about. But once you get to know someone, it’s harder to say that all people like XYZ are wrong.”

Domestic partner benefits promote workplace diversity

“My partner of 10 years and I cannot get car insurance together because we are two unrelated people living under one roof,” said Preisel. “So the same privilege of a married couple putting two cars on one policy and saving money is not available to us.”

He added that with tax time coming around again, he and his partner will not - or cannot - file together. Preisel said that he and his partner met with Matt Anderson, a local financial planner, to talk about survivor rights. When someone in a marriage passes away, the surviving spouse does not have to pay inheritance taxes. However, in a domestic partnership, the survivor does, just as if he were a stranger. Financial advisors like Anderson can assist those in same-sex domestic partnerships in making plans to be sure the surviving partner is taken care of.

Healthcare benefits

Another concern for members of the GLBT community living in domestic partnership relationships is being covered under a partner’s health insurance. However, this is something else, as Preisel acknowledged, that’s being changed due to awareness.

Lotus (now part of IBM) was the first major company to offer “spousal equivalent” benefits to those in same-sex domestic partnerships. Now, according to the Urban Institute, over half of Fortune 500 companies and 7400 other companies have joined, among them, the “big three” automakers. Monica Emerson, director of diversity for Daimler-Chrysler, told the Washington Post last year that offering the new benefits, aside from being “the right thing to do,” was an effort to remain competitive in attracting the best workers.

GLBT-Friendly businesses open doors to change

“It’s a really good feeling to know there is a safe person, a safe space,” said Preisel of walking into a business and seeing an Ally sticker posted. “There are local colleges with religious affiliations that have them … I am very impressed with that.”

The NEPA Rainbow Alliance and Lehigh Valley Pride publishes an annual 60-page Pride Guide, a showcase of gay-friendly businesses. Preisel says these ally business make a difference.

“When a business supports a pride group, in turn we support them back. The ally businesses are saying, ‘Hey, we welcome you and your partner and your business.’ That is definitely a step in the right direction.”

He adds, “I don’t have to be worried about who I am (when going into these businesses). Covering it up can be bad for your mental health,” he says.

John Dawe, publisher of the Rainbow Journal and executive director of the NEPA Rainbow Alliance said in a recent Journal story, “The gay and lesbian community is the largest ‘minority’ community in the region, and often the most disenfranchised. One bad experience because a salesperson, waiter, receptionist makes a not-so-gay-friendly comment, and it doesn’t take long for the rest of the community to proverbially boycott that establishment.”

PlanetOut Inc. owns several GLBT magazines and websites. Its media kit explains the gay community has higher spending power and more brand loyalty than their heterosexual counterparts. It cites that:

• Gay people are twice as likely to be in management positions

• Twice as likely to have household income over $250,000

• Gay adults are less likely to be parents (meaning more discretionary income and more leisure time)

• 94% of gays and lesbians go out of their way to purchases products and services marketed directly toward them.

Seeing the GLBT community as a lucrative market led to major companies creating advertising campaigns specific to the community.

Churches are gay-friendly, too

It’s not just businesses that are welcoming the GLBT community. Father Daniel Gunn of St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church in Wilkes-Barre says his place of worship recognizes domestic partnerships.

“We recognize gay couples. We list them in our bulletins as a couple,” he said, adding that about 10 percent of his congregation is of the GLBT community.

Same-Sex marriages: The heated debate

In 2004, President George W. Bush said in regards to a proposed Constitutional amendment: “The union of a man and a woman is the most enduring human institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith. Marriage cannot be severed from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening the good influence of society.”

The debate on same-sex marriage has been a heated one for many years, with outspoken supporters on either side. Without a national law, the decision is up to the state. In 1996, Pennsylvania adopted the PA Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits same-sex couples from being legally married in the state. It will also not recognize same-sex marriages entered into in another state or country.

What’s the gripe with same-sex marriage being prohibited? Equality Advocates identified 683 Pennsylvania laws and 1,138 federal laws provide benefits or protections to married couples that are not available to same-sex couples. Despite DOMA, there are ways for same-sex couples to have some of these rights, privileges and responsibilities through obtaining legal forms, such as a Power of Attorney and wills.

A board member of the NEPA Pride was married in Massachusetts. They phoned Preisel on their trip home.

“He said, ‘We just drove over the state line. We’re not married anymore!’ That’s silly. They’ve been together twenty-something years. (Getting married) is a nice thing to be able to do,” he said, adding that it doesn’t necessarily have to be religious - it’s just civil; a way to get the same legal rights as opposite-sex couples,” Preisel said.

The commitment ceremony

While DOMA prohibits legal marriage, same-sex couples are taking part in commitment ceremonies, a public affirmation of the couple’s commitment to one another. These commitment ceremonies can be very much like a wedding with rings, reception and all - there is just no legal document.

The Woodlands in Plains Township advertises that it hosts commitment ceremonies and receptions. Wedding resource websites show that there are plenty of non-denominational ministers who also will preside over commitment ceremonies. Gay-friendly churches, such as Father Gunn’s could also preside and host the ceremony.

“There are certain ceremonies under certain circumstances (we can preside over),” said Father Gunn. He invites couples thinking about a commitment ceremony to talk to him individually.

Local Groups serving needs of GLBT community and allies

• NEPA Rainbow Alliance - www.gaynepa.com

The NEPA Rainbow Alliance is a nonprofit advocacy and education organization. The group hosts a centralized website to inform the community of GLBT news/issues and offers links to support and social services. Also, the Alliance publishes the Rainbow Journal, Pride Guide, hosts several annual social events. Executive Director John Dawe says 2007 will be another year of growth for the Alliance.

“Plans are underway for a summer expo event and fall film festival,” said Dawe. “On the advocacy side we will still work towards passing an inclusive non-discrimination act in Harrisburg, and combat any constitutional amendment limiting same-sex couples from state-recognized domestic partnerships.”

He adds that the best thing friends and allies can do to show your support is joining the group’s e-mail list and being a MySpace friend at www.myspace.com/gaynepa.

• Pride of NEPA - www.prideofnepa.org

A social organization providing a meeting and social room, a diverse lending library inside Pride Place at ArtsYouniverse, outdoor recreational events and more.

• Other Links:
www.equalitypa.org
www.pflag.org
www.libertypa.org