Comments on: Call for Advice…

By: Caitlin

Caitlin — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 03:27:27 +0000

I don’t know if this will be any help, but I had a friend with the same problem in high school. His mother had a drinking problem, and when he came out to her, she went off the deep end. I helped him as much as I could: came and rescued him from his house whenever it got really bad, let him vent as much as he needed, and constantly encouraged him to be proud of himself for who he is. So the only advice I have is to let your house be a safe haven for him. I’m guessing his mother would be in favor of him coming to your house to spend time with a girl in hope that it might end his “confusion” (as they so frequently like to think it is). So whenever he’s at your house or even in your presence, encourage him to be proud of himself for coming out of the closet. Let him talk as much as he wants, because the best thing you can do for him without taking things into legal matters is to be a good friend and a positive parental figure.

I don’t know where you’re from, but if he can drive at all, you can always tell him he is more than welcome to come hang out with O.P.E.N., the Gay/Straight Alliance at Keystone College. Jeff, the other members and I are always willing to lend an ear or give some advice.

By: Rainbow Alliance

Rainbow Alliance — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 13:32:25 +0000

The Rainbow Alliance has provided the person who submitted this inquiry with such a list, as well as steps they can take. Because this was done anonymously through our help form, we have not been contacted by “Jeff” we are unable to provide any direct support at this time.

For reference, we refer such individuals to the following.

Counselors:
Dr. Marie Gray, Ph.D. – Psychologist & PTSD Specialist – 570-239-6356
Linda Keck, MA – Licensed Counselor – 570-718-1761
Thomas F. Brennan, Licensed Counselor – 570-401-3622

Agencies:
HELP Line: 570-829-1341
PFLAG of NEPA: 570-287-8504
Childrens Service Center: 570-825-6425
St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church & REACH: 570-825-6653

Support Groups:
Keystone College OPEN: 570-945-8306
Wilkes University ALLIES: 570-408-4731

By: Robert Roush

Robert Roush — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 11:17:16 +0000

The GLBT organization in the area (GAYNEPA) should have built a resource list to move things along in steps. If the scenario is true, the abuse is severe enough for the boy to move from the mother to a guardian. Go to a trained GLBT counselor in the region with social work knowledge, and have them start the legal process. Most youth organizations do this, such as Valley Youth House in Allentown. What is the counterpart in the Wyoming Valley? If the boy is in high school, it will not be long before he is 18. If the boy has a sympathetic relative, he should talk to them, along with the counselor to be the guardians. If the boy “runs away” to them, the police will likely leave him with the relative as a guardian process is being put in place. Oftentimes, people from the local PFLAG will temporarily foster. If uncertain of the process, call the local legal services or children and youth (as already suggested) to start the process. If something is to be done, a caseworker (and that can be a concerned GLBT volunteer) must take on this project and start making calls. Our organization is a little far to start this process for the boy. Rainbow Alliance is a GLBT organization with hired staff and a budget- if they don’t have the resources for this, where are their resources going? They need to organize themselves so they do. Immediately.

By: Tom Brennan

Tom Brennan — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 19:45:25 +0000

If he is under 18 I would call Children & Youth. What is happening to him is child abuse

By: Georgette

Georgette — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 18:24:45 +0000

I would say that the mother really needs help. I was in my 20s when i came out to my mother, and i assure you she responded exactly the same way as this boy’s mother–with the exception that i was living independently at the time and could not be held hostage in such a literal way. The ONLY thing that worked for my mother was talking to some people at PFLAG–about two years after i came out to her in which time no progress had been made. It’s impossible to say if this mother would be open to hearing from other parents who’ve gone through similar experiences and feelings about finding out a child is gay, but PFLAG is the only reason my mother and i can speak to each other today, and i would definitely recommend contacting them. Even if it is the boy who has to contact them to ask them for help/advice.

And if possible, it is probably best for this boy to get out of his mother’s home, through whatever means would be best for him in the long run. And even if his mother won’t budge, i imagine he really needs someone to talk to in order to keep himself in check. Dealing with such a strong rejection from a parent can lead to life and death situations, and everything should be done to make sure this boy is OK.

By: Jeff Brauer

Jeff Brauer — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:40:08 +0000

He is always welcome–as anyone to attend our Gay-Straight alliance–OPEN at Keystone College
Jeff.Brauer@keystone.edu

By: Eileen

Eileen — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 15:44:50 +0000

I went through a VERY similar experience when I came out to my parents. My friends are what helped me through that tough time in my life. Also, my parents finally realized that they were the ones with a “problem,” not me. I can offer the services of a trained Social Worker (myself) to either this young man or his parents. Time will heal all wounds. Can we create some kind of support group for the young and newly out?

By: Frank Buck

Frank Buck — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 03:49:44 +0000

Is the school aware of the problem? Has there not been any intervention at school to this point? Jeff should be able to find someone who is supportive at school (counselor, principal, teacher, etc.). School personnel are required to report any situation such as this that they are aware of to local authorities who are required to investigate. This puts legal protection into the picture which is necessary to allow this situation to be handled.

Mother’s problems and son’s problems need to be separated so they are easier to deal with. Physical separation is probably necessary to allow this to happen. After mother deals with her problems, she will perhaps be able to look more objectively at her situation with her son.

Jeff, you are a decent, normal person. There is nothing wrong with you. You have my prayers and support.

Frank

By: William Browne

William Browne — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 01:25:01 +0000

Child Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. It can be verbal and this sounds like a clear cut case of child abuse. If this youndg man can n ot be emancipated due to age or finances he can still be removed and placed with someone who is able to care for him.

By: Phyllis Pelletier

Phyllis Pelletier — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 00:23:31 +0000

I was going to suggest an intervention also. Perhaps they could find a sympathetic clergy person so that the mother might see that God is not discriminatory, why should she be?